Friday, November 7, 2008
Happy Birthday
I wasn't going to do a post about this but i guess I changed my mind. 15 years ago today I had a baby. She was 7 lbs 4.9 oz. She was perfect. Her parents named her Erin. That was a very hard day for me and I guess still is. It's funny I don't even know I am cranky about it until I suddenly realize the date on the calendar. I mourned her adoption for about 2 years thinking back. I didn't really understand my feelings then but I get it now. I know it was the right decision but it is still sad. I wonder what she looks like now? The last pictures I have are from when she was 6 or 7. I would like to be a fly on the wall for a day! So anyway Happy Birthday Erin! I love you forever!
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9 comments:
Oh Kelli, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard it would be to give up a baby but I'm glad you are at peace with your decision now. She's lucky to have been born to a mom who wanted what was best for her. You will be blessed for your unselfishness.
(The Erin name threw me...I had to reread it in a panic thinking I'd somehow missed your sister's bday!)
There's a beautiful song about adoption called "From God's arms, to my arms, to yours" that I've always loved. I found a recording on Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ClKldM3mx0
Cheesy Marie Osmond, but the song is gorgeous. (You may need a tissue.)
Oh, Kelli. I knew it was comming up, but it struck me hard when i read your post. I just started crying. I suprised myself. I can't even imagine how hard it was for you. I lived it with you, but it's not the same and I will never know. I do remember that day so clearly. I remember you had on that red robe and you just held her and cried. I could just see your pain on your face. I will never forget your face. Erin Elizabeth was sleeping so peaceful in your arms while you were doing the hardest thing you woild ever have to do. I went down stairs because someone said the adoptive parents were there. I saw them and they were the epitome of happy nerw parents. The "Dad" had a video camera and the "Mom" had a diaper bag. They were grinning ear to ear.
You are one of the bravest people I know. I love you, I love you, I love you!
I never knew how hard it was until I had my babies. I am so proud of you. I cannot imagine what is was like to manage the pain & sadness especially as a child your self. You are a great mother and you have absolutely given Erin & her parents the best gift they could ever receive. That is something else that I have learned as a parent. I know they are so grateful for you. Happy Birthday Erin!
thank you everybody for your comments i really appeciate it. today is weird for me so i am kinda quiet. I could have some very insightful things to say but like i said before i am just quiet today. anyway i love you all!
I love you Kelli! We really need to get together ...it seems like a lifetime ago that we were hanging out. I can't believe it has been 15 years! I think we could share in our grief, even though different, yet in some ways the same. I am always here for you. Be grateful for the two you have now as I am, and know that you did what you had to at the time.
I can't imagine how that must have felt or how hard of a decision that was. I really admire you for that very grown up decision. God has blessed you with 2 more beautiful babies....for that I know you are grateful! I don't know a lot of people that have been on the side you were on, but I do know several on the receiving end and how blessed they were for a decision like that. I hope that will continue to give you comfort in each day. LOVE YA!
Just wanted to say that I admire you for what you did, even though it broke your heart. You gave your baby a loving home. so many others would have never allowed her to be born. God Bless, and may He heal the scares that you carry.
~M~
I just read your post and cried. Reconnecting with you and hearing your feelings has made me understand the choice that my son's birthmother made in a whole new way. Thank you for your choice.
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